Yes, indeed, I was supposed to start a blog. I’ve been intensely avoiding this first post. It seems like forever since I’ve journaled, or done any writing for that matter. In elementary and high school, creative writing was my strength and I always saw some form of writing in my future. But I’ve shied away from it in the years that I’ve been in college, and those years in between. Except for the required literature analysis or research paper, I have not written anything of substance in close to 10 years. It actually feels really awful to read that out loud. And yet I know that part of my inability to really be in the present comes from this creative void. Instead of enjoying what is happening right now, I busy myself worrying about tomorrow’s plans or agonizing even more over future problems. Being constructive and creative (challenging myself emotionally and artistically) stimulates me and gives me purpose.
The resistance to starting this blog is logical then, as it involves confronting my shortcomings and, in some ways, starting from scratch. I hate sounding inarticulate or anything less than eloquent. These same fears of imperfection transfer into my second language practice; even though I know I have to practice conversing in Spanish to improve at all, I have been absolutely stubborn about starting conversations with hispanohablantes or beginning a language partnership. I have refused to speak because I fear sounding like a 3 year old. Completely aware that this is counter-productive, I have complacently stayed in the comfortable waters of homeostasis, in just getting-by.
I could make a bunch of corny comparisons here to yoga practice; how I immediately feel emotionally and physically better when I pick up practice after a long hiatus, how creative writing is indeed a practice just like prana or the asanas. But the truth is that both yoga practice and writing make me feel better and neither should embarrass me or me da vergüenza.
Whines and disclaimers aside, here I am. If you choose to follow my posts, thanks. I can only hope that as I continue writing I will gain the fluidity I once had. It’s an interesting choice, given that I’m immersing myself in Spanish for 16 hours of the day (not dreaming en Español todavía.) Some updates might be in English, Spanish, Spanglish. We’ll see.
And where am I exactly? Colonia Pastita, Guanajuato in the state of Guanajuato, México. I arrived Saturday evening and moved in with my new family on Sunday night. My new parents Delia and Lalo (Eduardo) have 5 children in their 30s and 40s. One of their daughters, Rocío, lives with them, as do her children, Samantha and Hector, aged 5 and 7. Mom and Dad are retired from their jobs at the electric company and they’re quite helpful and cheery. They’re quite encouraging and have complimented me multiple times on my conversation abilities.
Along with 11 other American students, I will be studying at the University of Guanajuato through the study abroad program CIEE. Currently we are enrolled in a three-week propedeutico course, designed to acclimate us to certain cultural elements, the Mexican university system, as well as provide an intense review of Spanish grammar.
At the end of the month, I will enroll in at least two courses at the U, which has departments spread out over the city. I hope to take a Mexican film and literature class that is taught by one of the host fathers, a literature professor, and an intro to printmaking course. Additionally I’ll take two classes offered through CIEE: one literature class on revolutionary Mexican novels and the other a sociology class on migration issues.
Bueno, ya es tarde. Adios.
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